Entry 27: Wibbly Wobbly, Flappy Dappy. Blinkin Tea!!! Gggrrrr....

I love meeting up with other people who are wheelchair users, mainly for swapping stories and hints and tips on accessibility and life in general… Usually I'm just sat there in awe as I listen to what people have been doing with their lives, how much fun they been having an wondering why I'm not also doing these things.
I had the opportunity to do that last weekend, travelling all the way up to Loughborough for a backup trust meeting. We were staying in in a sumptuous hotel… I have never seen as much glee depicted by my PA as when I told her there would be a free gym and swimming pool, Jacuzzi, sauna and steam room. To be honest I was rather green with envy and I tried to put the spa on the spot by asking them about their facilities for possibly getting me into the pool. I had already thought about it and decided not to bother bringing my swimsuit as there just wouldn't be time… I loved going in steam rooms, splashing about in the water and a Jacuzzi, but the faff it would take to get me into my swimsuit then suitably covered up, put back in my wheelchair, taken down to the spa, the hoist prepared to transfer me over to the pool hoist/chair, then lowered in, have a swim… And then do it all again in reverse left me just feeling exhausted. And there was already enough to contend with. I was highly amused when I was woken the next morning at 8:30 AM to find my PA had already been in the pool since 7 AM and eaten breakfast!

I was looking over my diary wondering what it was exactly that has kept me so busy from posting lately and to be honest I think it's a mixture of having had fantastic visits from family, seeing friends,
meetings with work, meetings with Backup Trust, meetings with spinal consultants and rehabilitation consultants and being Grand Central Substation/Mission Control with organising and finding funding for new accommodation whilst stuff is going on with my flat. Couple that with actual writers block – not knowing exactly how to put my feelings into words, and then wondering if I should even in doing that when this blog is about what life is like in a chair… So then wondering what new things to share that I have found either difficult or easy or different.

I'll tell you what though, having an SCI as a woman does not stop the Curse of Ladies everywhere: PMS.

And boy have I been at the mercy of it the last few days. Emotions all over the place, crying for no reason, getting really angry over insignificant things, feeling deliriously happy – all within 12 hour period. It's a cruel irony somehow! I'd say at least I can't feel the cramps, but I have a feeling that if my cramps are happening they just turn my body into spasm mode. Usually when I'm going through these times it's best to just avoid me completely!
It's been a right bugger dealing with everything when frankly all I want to do is stay under my duvet! Oh yes, that brings me to something I did write down but it's rather involved and going on about escapism but it kind of amused me and made me wonder about other people and how they cope…

"My Patronus Is a Duvet" is a thought that has been rolling around my head for some time now. You may have already seen this photo

that was taken of me some time ago, and to be honest can still be frequently seen if you pop around to my place after 5 PM. When I first saw this picture stating " the TARDIS is my Patronus" My initial thoughts were – "YESss!! Absolutely…" But then I thought hang on a minute in reality what would my actual Patronus be? (Taking on board that shouting 'Expecto Patronum' and waving a pointy stick can actually produce an incarnation of the caster's inner most positive feelings to ward off that which will suck out all the joy and positivity from within. Yes. I know.)

So, fully delving into the fandoms of Harry Potter, Doctor Who and various others, I realise that I may have taken a deeper plunge into escapism as a way of coping with everyday life… Or at least relating to it. You know that you have possibly taken on board this protective charm far too literally when in a half awake-half asleep state you feel panic and dread arising in your chest, and you tell yourself it's okay I'm still under the duvet so nothing can hurt me… I don't have to deal with anything yet. Using the duvet essentially like a patronus. Oh dear.

Anyway, in an ever ongoing battle to see if I can get any responses from my readers, I did wonder what other people's patronas' would be? Please do make comments below otherwise I'll think I'm just a fruit loop on my own out here...