When I was just a little girl I asked my mother what would I
be – Will I be famous? Will I be rich? Here's what she said to me:
Que sera sera, whatever will be will be. All you can do is
try your best – no one can ask anything more from you than that.
When I was just an awkward teen, my friends asked me what
would I be – will I be a writer? Would I be a teacher? Here's what I said to
them:
I've got no idea, don't know what I'm good at. Maybe a truck
driver, may be a dreamer. But I will NEVER be a teacher!
When I became an adult, I asked myself what would I be?
Earning the min wage or did I want something more? Here's what I told myself:
I know I'm not the smartest, but I'm also not stupid. I know
I want to make some money, to live comfortably without having to worry. What
could I do? I couldn't be a doctor. I couldn't be a lawyer. So teaching will
have to do.
What I discovered was that I actually really love this
profession. I'd refused to admit it for a very long time, mainly because all of
my other friends were going to become primary school teachers. Rebellious me
ended up as a secondary school teacher. I know I wasn't the best teacher in the
world, but I also was not the worst. And I discovered my vocation – I was good
at working with others with special needs. Over the years right from childhood
I had always had links with children with special needs. Working with them on
play-schemes, working with young adults developing their life-skills; I'm one
of those people who could not sit in an office doing something that is mindless
or without purpose. I wanted to make a difference in the world, and this was
the niche that I fitted into.
Fast forward several years and I find myself in a horrible
bus crash that has left me paralysed from the chest down. Quadriplegic,
tetraplegic, cripple, gimp, Wheeler. Needing 24-hour care, complicated medical
needs, unable to feed myself, clothe myself, keep myself warm, unable to turn
over in bed, unable to pick up the phone, unable to…*
*Fill in the blank. I was as weak as a newborn baby, and
just as helpless.
I was born again. This time with a whole new set of
challenges. When I became a cripple, I asked my parents what would become of
me? Would I waste away? Would I ever be happy again? Here's what they said to
me:
if you want it, then do what you have to to get it. You still have your mind,
You still have your voice. It's a choice and it's up to you.
Sometimes I actually feel a little bit like Frodo on his
long journey to Mordor. I can remember my 'old home in the Shire', life before
the accident, and it seems like so long ago it's all hazy and foggy now. I have
been carrying The One Ring (paralysis) and it has affected me, seeped into my
every inch of soul, mind as well as body. This burden is mine and no one else
can carry it for me. Don't get me wrong, I also have my Sam, Merry and Pippin
who have helped me along my journey. But my God, does it takes determination to
keep on going.
This week I return to work. Taking it slow and steady,
'graded return' as they call it. It's been over 3 1/2 years since I was last in
a classroom teaching. Somehow I have managed to go from being immobile on an
ITU bed, with a tracheostomy and a vent machine breathing for me to being back
in the classroom again. As my parents said – I still have my mind, I still have
my voice and so when I decided what I wanted to do, I damn well got on and did
it.
My very first night I spent outside hospital in my new home I was
absolutely terrified. Possibly more so than I had ever been in hospital,
because I had nobody there but my PA. At least in hospital you know there are
nurses and doctors and HCAs who know what to do if there's a problem.
I wrote the User's Manual To Tingle Tetra, for all my new
PAs. I went outside (who knew that could be a goal!? But there you go!). I took
a taxi by myself into town. I arranged to travel by train and actually did it.
I travelled 300 miles to visit my friends and stayed in another person's house.
I taught a lesson to see if I could do it. I got a pet dog. I moved from one
end of the country to the other. I went shopping by myself. I became a power
wheelchair skills instructor. I started a blog and I finally got a mobile phone
that belongs to this century…
It would have been so easy to just stay in bed. And, truth
be known, I have had my days where I just can't get out of bed because it's
frankly too difficult. That's where Sam, Merry and Pippin have come to the
rescue :-) not to mention both of my parents who I can still hear in my head
saying "What you still doing in bed you lazy git?" (They're Scouse, and
that's how they talk up there!) And a very wise sage told me that it would be
in the little things that would make a difference. Don't expect to see huge
leaps and bounds made, but instead little by little progress would be made,
improvements would happen. And of course with the benefit of hindsight now, I
can look back and see how all those things I accomplished, no matter how
trivial they may seem, each one was a building block and another step forwards
towards moving on with life.
And now I'm on the precipice of returning to
work. I am aware that it has taken enormous amounts of input from many
different sides. Whilst I know there are other teachers out there who are in
wheelchairs, I have not yet come across one who is of such a high-level injury
as myself. I have a feeling we may be breaking brand-new ground here. And that
leaves me with a very excited feeling because we are leading the way in the
field of disability employment in the teaching profession. I'm sure all sides involved
are going to be learning new things and coming up against new challenges, not
least of all me! But you know what – I love a good challenge so I say bring it
on!
