Entry 29: Tingle's Top 10 Tips to Survive… A Party.

1.      Organise your party outfits in advance. It could be sunny and hot, cloudy and cold, rainy… One party dress does not fit all scenarios. Perfectly valid reason for clothes shopping :-)

2.      Ensure leg bag/bladder completely empty before arriving thus enabling much longer period of time before needing to evacuate.

3.      take medication in advance or if not, ready prepared to be chucked back at appropriate hour in the middle of the fun. Be aware of the effects of alcohol on said medication, thus any side-effects will be completely of your own making.

4.      Prepare "party survival kit" to include wet-wipes, tissues, plasters, bottle to empty catheter into, anti-bac, hairbrush. Okay the last one is mainly for the girls, but you just never know!

5.      Take two strong men, or failing that, ramps to enable access to all areas.

6.      Assess as many doorways as possible prior to alcohol consumption, in the hopes that post-alcohol consumption you will be able to navigate through them without leaving your own personal Mark of Remembrance.

7.      Have as many people as possible assist you in the eating and drinking. Score them out of 10 and reveal the winner at the end of the night. Especially get those people who appear to be slightly freaked out by pink elephant/wheelchair in the room… You'll know them. They are the ones that keep giving you funny looks or avoiding looking at you at all.

8.      Freak everybody out at least once by saying you need an ambulance. And then say "oh no, wait, it's just indigestion…"

9.      Attach mobile to forehead using wide elastic band and velcro. You'll be able to take pictures at own leisure and in-case you do pass out someone can ring your ICE contact/call cab/ or just steal your phone. Well, of course, fool. It's stuck to your head.

10.   Hydration, Hydration, Hydration. And finally, the key to successful partyage, is to thoroughly enjoy the whole evening, partake of all beverages, food, wiggle some dance moves out, and then drink a gallon of water before bed. This gives you the Ultimate Smugness the morning after...

               Them: "mate, my head's pounding like hell....what a night, eh?"

               You: "Yeah, it was great. And even though you and I consumed an equal amount of                alcohol, and we are comparative in height to weight to body mass ratios, my head is, in fact, not pounding. Ha!"